Duke Box Blues
Bottoms up and I’m creeping back
And I don’t even want to say thank you
I’ve had enough, my heads rolled up
And there’s puking by the pool table
My mouth is dry from the 23rd roll-up
And a mans shouting bollocks from the corner
The greased-back nightshift drunkards swaying and singing
To his choice on the duke box blues
The barman smiles and he says hello
but he’s only counting his money
through beer and smoke and the usual folk
today the jokes just aren’t funny
I put in my pound and glance around
as a cue butt nudges my shoulder
I press C9, B3, H1 then I’m singing
To my choice on the duke box blues
I don’t think I can stagger home
My knees will give way
The kids walk in with big fat grins
And huddle themselves in the corner
They curse and hiss as I pass for a piss
Now I’m swaying by the urinal
A voice from from cubicle one says something
And a noise emanates from the second
A blast of heat as I beat a retreat back to the sound
To my choice on the duke box blues
Day After Day
Waking up
Feel my head pounding
Staggering across the landing
And down the stairs
Breakfast toast
Go to work
Eat some lunch
Say hello, how are you
Come on home
Sit alone
Pen and paper with you
Well I’ve been here before
Day after day day after day
Weekend comes
The pressures really on me
Who can I phone to comfort me
I just want to get drunk
Better phone up quick
Don’t want to sit alone again
Who will want me
While I hate myself
What sane mind can sit through this shit
I’m lucky, I have a good friend
I’ve been here before
Day after day day after day
Stagger home
Kick a road sign or two
Shout some abuse
Blame my life on somebody else
Fumble keys
Stare at the TV
Smoke red eyes, heavy
Aching back
Fall asleep
Its cold when I awake at night
Pull up the soft quilt
Restless sleep
Get up late
Squint my eyes at the morning sun
I’ve been here before,
Day after day after day
Side By Side
If I fail
Can I have my life again
Would you undress me and put me to bed
Where I can curl up small and hide away
And when things go beyond my simple grasp
And slip on by into the dark
Where I find it hard to fall
And take control
You’ve got to believe in yourself
you’ve got to feel in control
Not in the middle of a mess
And if I sail
Past all my hopes and dreams
That I held dear when I was young
I want to stand up tall and say I tried
And if I turn away and then return
Can I take your arm and walk side by side
Open your mouth and say those words
That I want to hear
You’ve got to believe in yourself
you’ve got to feel in control
Not in the middle of a mess
The Eyes Looking Back
Forget my face I’m nothing
Leave this place, you are free
Staring for so long into the mirror
But the eyes looking back don’t help me
Don’t help me
I’ve made up my mind to stand by you
And when you’re gone I can see
What it is to be with you
But do the eyes looking back want me
Do they want me
I miss your hugs in the evening
They make me smile when I’m down
But I’m not sure that I’m worth it
But the eyes looking back they want me
They want me
Happier Without Me
I know I’ve been stupid most of my days
No-one can blame me more than me
There’s one thing I don’t want to know
Is how happy you are without me
It’s how happy you are without me
No excuse I’m stuck in darkness when in sunshines
I open up my eyes and I can’t see
But there one thing you can say for me to go
It’s how happy you are without me
How happy you are without me
I’ve worked hard at work but I’m losing it at home
I’m bottled up and isolated from you
I’ll understand when you say to me
I’m leaving, I’m happier without you
I’m leaving, ‘cos I’m happier without you
I Liked The Way I Used To Be
I woke up that fateful day
Wondered where my future lay
You turned my world upside down
Because you said you loved me
Wavy wavy dark black hair
Smiling face I had no care
Intoxicating liqueur store
Beckons me no more… well sometimes
I liked the way I used to be
I liked the way I used to be
Sad and lonely in my tree
I was comfortable you see
But I suppose that now I’m free
You opened up my eyes that day
I couldn’t think of what to say
I was sad and happy
Both at the same time
I look out of the window
See her standing there
As my face turns green
I wondered where my heart has been
In my stomach
I liked the way I used to be
I liked the way I used to be
Sad and lonely in my tree
I was comfortable you see
But I suppose that now I’m free
Well it’s getting on and I’m feeling old
My bodies young but my mind is mouldy
Those early moments appear again
They tell me what its all about
So here I sit alone today
Two years or so the game we’ve played
Roller coaster up and down
I’m sure I’m getting better now… so happy
I liked the way I used to be
I liked the way I used to be
Sad and lonely in my tree
I was comfortable you see
But I suppose that now I’m free
I never thought I’d hear myself
Say I was so happy
I suppose now I’m free
A Moment By The River
Here I am sitting by the river
There it is staring back at me
The sun is shining through the canopy down on me
Here I sit and I’m not sure that its me
I’ve just realised what means more to me
I could not see that in front of me
It’s the family
I would never profess to being perfect
Neither thank God would anyone
What good does it do, comparing me to you
When all I need to know is you’ll be there for me
I’ve just realised what means more to me
I could not see that in front of me
It’s the family
The voice, speaking back in distant tones
Just enough to help me through again
A human touch when God has gone and left me bare
It’s then I realise that you’ll be there for me
I’ve just realised what means more to me
I could not see that in front of me
It’s the family
Raining Again
I put my hat on step outside
Its raining again
Dark and cold, my necks exposed
As I pull my scarf in tighter
I don’t think I can go on
no I don’t think I can go on
Streetlight casts a yellow glow
On icy street below
We gathered here on that funeral day
Seems like yesterday
I don’t think I can go on
No I don’t think I can go on
And there’s the field we’d run a play
Football all day
The heart was light, it seemed so bright
I think I grew too fast
A misty path through an old church yard
Where I know God’s on guard
Screeching cars, turf out from bars
A distant drunkard shouting
I don’t think I can go on
No I don’t think I can go on
A bustling queue to a dirty van
Through paper and lager cans
Young Asian man he gets a stare
Large group, white, don’t care
I don’t think I can go on
No I don’t think I can go on
The noise it fades I move away
See two shadows down an alley way
They stop to kiss, embrace and smile
Then walk off hand in hand
I don’t think I can go on
No I don’t think I can go on
Resigned pause as I push the door
I don’t think I can take much more
Stagger up towards my bed
Drunk again I can rest my head
I don’t think I can go on
No I don’t think I can go on
Roll a cigerette and toke it hard
It’s still raining hard
Sip the whisky from my flask
Getting through a day seems harder
I don’t think I can go on
No I don’t think I can go on
Edge Of My Thoughts
If I cannot care for me
Then how can I share my life with you
But someday, motivating’s tough without you
It’s mad, but on those happy days
The back of my mind is wondering, how long it will last
The pain of leaving everything and holding on to time as it move past
Victim Mentality
Victim mentality
The state doesn’t owe me anything
I can make it on my own
I can face the world alone if I wanted to
It’s easy to blame all but me
The pain I feel, the troubles that I’m going through
It’s not someone else’s fault
It’s my own, it’s my own
I don’t look above no more
The love I feel for those I’ve lost is inside of me
The life I choose to live is mine
It is mine, it is mine
Tell Me So
When you decide that you don’t want me no more
Turn you head, break my heart, walk out the door
When the sky is dark and we drift apart
Just write or phone but tell me so
Please tell me so
When you decide that you don’t want me know more
Walking through the acts of love but nothing more
If you’re hanging onto dreams without me there
Just write or phone but tell me so
Please tell me so
Just Enough
Its late but I forgot to say
Thank you, so I’m saying it today
You did just enough to save me
By giving out all you had to give
By giving out all you had to give
Life worried you each day
A ruffled brow gave it all away
There’s no way we can deny
That being there was just enough for us
That being there was just enough for us
Now that you have passed on
I didn’t want you to go unsung
Thanks for the bad undone
As I sit alone right now
I begin to wonder how
If I did not understand
I sure as hell know now
I sure as hell know now
Life worried you each day
A ruffled brow gave it all away
There’s no way we can deny
That being there was just enough for us
That being there was just enough for us
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